2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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