Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
