why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
