I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
