I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
