i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
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