I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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