So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
