I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I can't turn off my feet"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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