if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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