we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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