dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
