Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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