I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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