Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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