You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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