24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
