Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
