is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
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