I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize
