The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
