i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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