I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
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I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
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i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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