RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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