What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Congratulations! We have a period
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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