sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
