That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
