You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
