didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
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My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
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I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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