i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
