the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
