sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
