This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
