Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
