Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
handjob tips. give me some.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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