So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
