There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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