Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
