Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
