dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
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Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
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Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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