She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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