Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
