we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
