know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
