Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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