god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
