So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
