K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
