dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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