I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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