the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
