I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
