2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
