i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Barsexuality is the new black.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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