I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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