Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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