You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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