what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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