after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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