I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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