And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
