who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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