I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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