So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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