Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
