is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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