There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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