ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize