Cold hands, warm shart.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize