Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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