so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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