the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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