I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
how does that bad decision feel?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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