that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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