from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
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I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
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Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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