Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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