I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
