38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
