Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
