She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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