Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
