Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
