Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
